I’d be more worried by an asian parent that didn’t care, as that is probably more of sign of lack of love. Now, as a kid, I never looked at it this way. From my point of view, my friends had free time, parties, toys, game consoles, while I was forced to study 24/7. I hated my parents, and I could never relate to their stories of studying by candlelight, eating tree bark, because I just cared about how I was the bottom of the social totem pole at high school, and that was the WORLD to me. I think tiger parenting is a high risk, high reward style of parenting. In 99% of cases, the child will be emotionally scarred, hate their life and their parents in their teens. In their 20’s they adjust to having freedom, and adjust to normal “culture”, and in their 30’s become well off and successful and look back and appreciate, or at least understand, why their parents did what they did. They may even end up doing a slightly milder version of tiger parenting themselves. I would have to say, I was beyond lucky I was instilled with good habits at an early age, but I guess I would have to be more happy with the fact that my parents were understanding. They knew that immense strictness bred dishonesty, and if I wasn’t doing well I told them, they understood. I succeeded well at English and won writing contests (got money, too!) and public speaking, and they didn’t get too mad when I wasn’t doing too well in math. After reading this article, I asked them why they loosened the reigns so much, considering they were extremely strict beforehand. To understand the impact of parenting does not mean to excuse Jennifer’s behavior- it is a way to possibly understand it. You feel that she killed them simply out of greed, but how does someone get to that point? Personality disorders and dysfunctional relationships are influenced by parenting as well. By killing her parents she would be freed of them to become a separate person- something that seemed impossible while they were alive. AND it would achieve the goal of financial success for Jennifer- which they had so wanted for her! She had indeed internalized their values on some level, but she lacked her own authenticity, resourcefulness, and self- determination- a very emotionally stunted individual. Some who are abused, even beaten, just run away – age 13,14. Nobody can keep you after 18… to put on that show, endless years. Most of them don’t resort to hiring a hitman to kill them. I can’t believe I am reading so many sympathetic comments about this girl. What about making up being gang-raped to keep her boyfriend? What makes you think she was given the option of moving out? Would you move out if you knew that your family didn’t approve and may potentially disown you for taking such a stand? It’s easy to say “oh she should have just left” if you don’t understand how years of manipulation and blackmailing leave an impact on a person’s ability to think rationally and make logical choices. There’s no denying that her harsh unbringing had at least something to do with it. There’s also no question (as I’ve written before, below) that this “educational parenting” model needs some serious reform for the child to be both successful and psychologically happy. But this in no way exculpates Jennifer from the ultimate responsibility for her murderous actions.
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It disturbs me that people are feeling sympathetic towards this stupid, stupid, DISGUSTING human being. What is also shocking to me is the fact that her lawyer never made an attempt to present her to the public as mentally disturbed. Even though no person in their right mind would believe that this girl was schizophrenic per se, at least TRY to make this girl seem less guilty than she is. This idiot was never physically abused by her parents. They never abandoned her and left her to die, nor were they crackheads that paid no attention to their kid. With this being said, I’m finding it hard to believe that people feel pity for this girl? Sorry but if you are ANY race outside of caucasian your parents left their home country and gave up their lives for your future. And they don’t make these sacrifices for you to half-ass everything and flunk out of school. If she didn’t get into university that is on HER. Furthermore, why is it that at 22 years old, this girl had never had a drink or been to a club? The excuse, “Her parents were strict” does not cut it. When you are OVER 18 years old you are an adult. If her life was sooooo hard I don’t understand why she didn’t get a job and find her own place like a normal, responsible adult? Not to mention this girl is clearly a psychopathic, manipulative & pathological liar. How do you not only lie to your parents, but to EVERYONE around you?! She very well deserves to rot in hell for hiring hitmen to murder the people who gave her LIFE.
- I could recall all these useless mathematical formulas but I knew absolutely nothing about pop culture such as latest songs, etc.
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- How is this article biased for reporting a fact?
Whether you believe her to be or not is irrelevant. For those of us who grew up in this type of household, we know for a fact the issues are there. For some of my friends, they gave up on school to the point that their parents eventually gave up on them too. Do you really need a laundry list of cultures as evidence that this parenting style can be harmful? It’s time for this method of parenting be modified to take into account the child’s feelings.
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This is a Canadian family with a daughter that’s a sociopath. They probably thought she could go back on the path of success and still become their cherished trophy kid. And everyone would pretend that there was no misstep along the way. Sure doing well in school is good for you, demanding that you should only get A’s is torture if it doesn’t come easy to you. If you come and start being so condescending all over the discussion don’t expect much sympathy when you’re being called out for being a smarmy know-it-all. She was in full control of herself and the grounding was probably a joke to her at that age. She just went along because she had it easy at that point and was already planning killing them. However, that doesn’t free her from paying for her crimes. It seems her mother did everything she could to help her daughter have a life. To have her killed as well is nothing but pure evil. As her web of lies grew, she kept choosing deception and despicableness over honesty and virtue. I know of what I speak, for unlike Jennifer I stood up to my parents repeatedly, even eschewing their economic support in my sophomore university year to work my way through Cal. Her punishment was grounded for 2 weeks when her parents found out the truth? Some are shipped off to distant relatives in a remote location. A chemical imbalance or a hard upbringing should not discount the fact that she planned these murders way in advance and attempted to execute it to perfection. I wonder if Karen would say all this stuff about Jennifer if she wasnt arrested? I went to school with Jennifer AND the author of this article, Karen Ho. I was in band class and we had the same group of friends. I also went on that tour in Europe and performed at the Jewish centre in Toronto as well. I was ALSO in the same HOME T.A group as Karen’s younger brother and we were pretty tight. And if you think this so called “harassment” is actionable you’re a bigger fool than you’ve already demonstrated. Only bad in the sense that it seems to have deleteriously affected your reading comprehension. Parenthesis & brackets are both called brackets in your opinion, therefore this is right. Furthermore, what you put in “round brackets” means the opposite of what is written, because Boris Moris says so and language is fluid. You successfully learned nothing, despite my best efforts. I concede that I was wrong, and that brackets and parenthesis are the same thing, and that bracketing is a commonly understood verb that means to place text in parenthesis. You might want to consider the option of not playing with yourself. Boris, I find you intellectually superior to Adam by quite a huge margin, you don’t need to engage with him here. I can only think of the pain that her father and brother experience now. We talked about it quite a bit…she cut herself discretely, and it didn’t ‘seem’ to me it was about getting attention, since it was exclusively a solo act, and she’d cover her arms so others–including me–couldn’t see. Well, like you said, this was a piece written with biases that we all have. I think it did its job of sparking a conversation around issues of interest in this story line – as evidenced by the commentary. You’re right, she probably changed him a lot. It’s truly a shame what happened to Daniel though. I loved that guy like a brother in high school. Always smiling, laughing, cracking jokes, lighting joints… Man, I miss you. She personally asked me over fb for an inside scoop on what I knew about her, but i never replied. So, I gather she got information from mutual friends. They deserve the sentence that was rightfully given to each and every one of them.
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I believe, Jennifer’s personality is the issue here. She could have told them all about the lies, the frustration, and leave the house if her parents fail to compromise and help work out with all of her lying problems and academic failures at early age. But she chose to lie and stay because of her parents’ money. She knew about the paid off house, the life insurance, and the $200,000 in savings, she simply could not walk away from the inheritance that her mother had promised her. That’s the most serious mistake that her parents made, I believe. That’s the reason Jennifer did not want to talk about it, cannot open up and never will to anyone. At Royal Vegas – Canada’s Online Casino, you’ll have access to over 700 unique, feature-rich online casino games from casino game development giant Microgaming. The games on offer include slots, table games, progressives , video poker, casual games and more. This Canadian online casino also offers a range of live casino games that will see you taking a seat at a real table, with real dealers, in real time. Even through a decade has almost passed, i still feel insecure and sometimes inadequate when I am at home with my family. I respect both my parents for giving me the opportunity to have a life here. I know they sacrificed a lot to immigrate to the US, and faced a lot of racism and hardship for being a minority. But I also feel like it isn’t right to bully your children to mold them into something better. If I weren’t as strong as I was then I probably would not have ended up where I am today. I wouldn’t have been so self aware and self sufficient. I think many 1st gen. Asian American children face this harsh reality and it’s unfair and unjust. Parents should be accountable for their behavior because it is a form of child abuse. I know Jennifer’s father mentally and emotionally abused her. Now, I don’t think she should have hired anyone to murder them, but the blame isn’t 100% on her. It was the by-product of a child raised in an abusive home, anchored to the ground with negativity and was forced to lie, forced to be better than she was, but with no positive support around her or in her life.
That’s the reality and it doesnt make them ogres but they really benefited from having supportive new communities but it doesn’t fly that the beneficiaries’ shortcomings were not noticed by the givers. I think in your case, you need to evaluate if Law really is for you. I know a lot of parents want their children to get into prestigious professions with being a lawyer being one of them. However, if you dread the profession already then you got to think in the long term you still got another 30+ years of it before you can reasonably retire. I don’t believe it is ever too late to change and 30 is still young for a career change. What is important is that you need to know what you are passionate in and what makes you happy. Life is too short to be snowed under doing things you don’t want to do. You are better off finding a career that you actually want to do. No one truly knows they don’t like something unless they have tried it so perhaps giving another profession a go may help you find it. Its better to be happier and doing something you want to do than to be continually doing things you hate. Lifes too short to be stuck with something you don’t enjoy doing. As an Asian-American, I do empathize with this story as it resonates with me (and I’m sure a lot of other AA’s as well). There’s a lot of pressure for us to succeed, and yes, many Asian parents measure up their kids against other friends’ “perfect” children who get perfect SAT scores, great grades, and end up getting into Harvard. I remember all of that contributing to a great deal of stress/pressure especially in my high school years.
Btw, did you go to waterloo for afm in the last year? I commented earlier for Karen to not use such cheap and immoral tactics to grab the attention of readers. Unfortunately, her cheap response was to remove my comment. Point is, if anyone of them were to stop to think apart from what they see from their own eyes, and allow empathy as a guidance, we would not see stories like this. Problem is, today, human beings are far too self-absorbed materially, and they lose sight of their true self and eventually become lost. Before my family went over the pond over here to Canada, I was one of those guys who gets 3rd in class every year. My sister was not so good back then, she is 2 years younger, and had trouble absorbing things. In HK, we have testings too as soon as we hit Grade 1, it was difficult for her. Allow me to give you my little story on my family, I think I am actually pretty lucky in a sense. As far as I am concerned, this whole mess started with a family failing to understand and approve of one another. The point is not to thing it is right or wrong, if you were to ask anyone within this chain, they would tell you it is very wrong. The overwhelming majority of people with strict upbringings do not kill their parents. That we should be pitying Ms. Pan and blaming her father was not the point of the article at all. How you understand that to be the case, I do not know. I’m running out of excuses for all the bruises and cuts. Jennifer and her gang are nothing but a bunch of criminals and liars. Here was a daughter who had parents working hard for her and she blew it away and then them. I’m not sure I quite agree with what you call obsessive demands and how the parents should take responsibility for creating a monster.
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I don’t think the author is wrong, I just thought there would be more credibility behind the statement so that it doesn’t center around the opinions of “Jennifer’s one friend”. As a child who was born in China, and raised here by two immigrant parents, I have much to relate to the beginning of her story. At times, I could completely relate to her feeling under the pressure, or feeling like she had failed to reach her expectations. I could understand the urge to fake marks, forge signatures, and even lie at times as I’m sure every child has in his or her past. In fact, I go as far as understanding the desperation to resort to means such as self-harm, which I have learned to overcome over a span of about 4 years. Jennifer’s parents assumed their daughter was an A student; in truth, she earned mostly Bs—respectable for most kids but unacceptable in her strict household.